I recently explained to a good friend that he had helped me get past a fear I have harbored for as long as I can remember. It's not the usual fears of bugs, flying or the dark. No, my fear is of trying new things. I don't like change. It's a fact. The problem with my fear, it seems, is that change is inevitable. Yes, our dear President made it a buzz word, and deservedly so. I'm fine with him creating change. In fact, I think he needs to do even more. It just stresses me out when I have to think about my routine being interrupted. I like organization, a mapped out plan, and carefully thought out pro/con lists before making a big decision. I never really considered it a problem until this friend told me that I wasn't adventurous.
What?! Hold the phones!
It is my (unreasonable and unattainable) goal in life to please everyone and have everyone like everything I do. I also Do. Not. Like. To. Fail. I thought if I played everything safe and didn't take too many chances, then everything would fit in a nice, neat little box to look at and be pretty. Okay, that sounds a little crazy. Maybe it is. But, rarely are people very honest with you about things you do not do well. He wasn't saying it to hurt my feelings, but it was a reference to something that I do not do well...and I didn't like it. So, I thought about it. And I thought about it...and then I thought about it some more.
(Sidebar: I always try to balance negative situations by finding something positive to say. I apply this theory in all facets of life, whether talking about someone who has wronged me, a situation that happens that is out of your control or even something I want to change about myself. Having said that, I am very good at admitting when I am wrong and trying to fix it (even if I'm not so good with the change thing.) The only solution really, was to TRY to do something about it. )
I didn't make a wild and crazy decision to go jump out of a plane, or swim with sharks; but I did do some soul searching. I'm taking it slow. I don't broadcast what I'm doing (this was for me, not anyone else). I journal about what I'm doing. It helps when I'm feeling a little down or unlikeable to look back on things that, while I may not have done well, at least had tried. Sometimes I really love what I have done, and sometimes I have (literally) cursed it. I will tell you about one thing I have done on my quest to be advenurous...
You are reading it. Starting a blog is a big deal! Okay, maybe it's just me. But, putting your life on the internet for anybody and everybody to read is a fairly big deal. Right? I'll admit, that's not why I was so wary about blogging. Honestly (and I can be honest here, right?) it's about people reading what I write. Not necessarily the content, but how well I write about it. I've always thought I wrote fairly well. I'm sure I won't win the pulitzer anytime soon, but I did okay on essays and reports in school. I'm just a little self-conscious about it. Yet another thing I need to change, I guess. I'll start working on that right after I try kayaking...
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